1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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