Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
