oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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