I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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