uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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