this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
