Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We had sex on a dog bed..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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