I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Oh god it's open bar.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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