bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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