Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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