apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My dad is sitting where you rode me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
