I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Come on in and take your pants off
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