somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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