how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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