It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
