Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize