Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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