did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
