Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
