You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
