onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
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Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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