dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
