just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
