Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This is classic penis vs brain.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
