I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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