My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
