I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
