mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
