3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
