Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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