I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
