So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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