Yo dont text me then not text me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
