Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
