saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize