? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The best walk of shames are on the highway
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
