if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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