who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
