So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize