So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
