Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
did you just send me my own nude
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
