do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
