And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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