You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
