Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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