bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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