he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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