And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
