Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
