i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
