I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
All I want is dick and wine.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
