Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.