You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?