Umm I'm too high to move.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS