She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
