I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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