and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
