either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well I just put wine in my tea
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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