If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
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