So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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