using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
