Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
