she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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