I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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