she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
