That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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