he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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