he was CRYING into my vagina
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
