covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
