Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
