You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think I died a long time ago.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
